It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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