I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize