just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
