Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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