"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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