I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize