just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
