i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
