I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were destined to go to rehab together
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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