She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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