if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
