white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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