The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
