I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
