last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the liver wants what the liver wants
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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