I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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