His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
