Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
