New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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