The maid of honor just puked.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
