I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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