Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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