Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
