sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
40s are totally the cure
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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