i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
