What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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