508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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