discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
