i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
how drunk are you?
Several
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
