dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
