dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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