i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
