Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize