Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
