Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
