he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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