Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
