Just fell off a train. Bad.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
