p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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