Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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