Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We have started to decorate penises.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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