I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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