took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
