Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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