So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
