just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
