yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
