mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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