can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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