Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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