my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
