She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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