im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
