Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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