Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
