no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
