hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
