Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
