I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
