Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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