Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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