I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
