I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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