shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize