i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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