doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
