Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Four minutes until I can fart!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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