And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
