I wannas sexs uuuuu
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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