Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
