you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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