I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
