so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
