I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
