like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize