There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
