shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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