i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
