just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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