good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
