when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
