We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
