I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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