How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
