Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
