so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize