it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
