My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
