return my video game
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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