The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
