dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
