We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize