Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
