i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
