I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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