are you still at the devil's house?
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
