god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the condom got lost in my hair
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
