Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
