He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
