Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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