I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Shame is for Republicans.
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