just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
