i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
