I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize