I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
