this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
