I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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