my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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