And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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