I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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