Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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