I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
