I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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