she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
